The Home Stretch
It’s hard to believe that August is here. It is truly the home stretch of summer.
No matter how old your kids may be, this time of year can start to feel a bit frantic. The slower pace of summer days will be transitioning to the world of creating schedules and routines.
In general, moms are the hub of “executive functioning” for families (a/k/a the “brains” of the operation!) There is a lot of pressure that comes with the mental load of motherhood, and there is often an internal battle that ensues. Moms feel angry and resentful with the sense of sole responsibility for making the magic happen. Yet, at the same time, we often resist asking for or accepting “help.”
We often justify this because we believe that our partners should just “know” what to do! If they have been paying attention over the last months/years, they should certainly know what needs to be done, right??! I shouldn’t have to ask (again!)
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but this thought process sets everyone up for frustration and hurt. Delegating tasks can be challenging, as there is often a learning curve that is required. Accordingly, this requires patience from both the “teacher” and the “student!”
Things may not get done the way that YOU would do them (and, for the record, I totally agree that your way is best/most efficient/etc!) However, if the goal is to get things done, we need to leave some room for individual approaches. The mental load of motherhood can make us feel overwhelmed and ineffective… which then makes us feel GUILTY! (What a cycle of BS!)
Learning to delegate… to partners, co-parents, and to our KIDS, provides important life lessons for everyone! Having open and honest communication with your partner about what tasks are overwhelming is a key component of reducing resentment. (Resentment is based on unspoken expectations! Speak up regarding what you need!)
It’s important to leave room for our partners to “show up” in our relationships, and your spouse may not do things exactly the way that you would. However, that does not mean that their way is “wrong.” (READ THAT AGAIN!)
There are many tasks that kids can help with, and in fact, they will be eager to help with! Packing lunches can be time consuming. However, if you are willing to pull your kids into the experience, it can be fun. Let your kids pack snack baggies/containers that will last a few days, and keep them in one central location. From a young age, my girls knew to pack something salty, something sweet, and a fruit/veggie. On Sunday and Wednesday evenings, they would fill up containers, and they were excited to pack their lunch boxes each night. Now, as college students, they are doing their own grocery shopping and cooking their own meals.
Bottom line: Mothers are irreplaceable! However, that does not mean that we need to do it all, on our own, especially if we are going to have a chip on our shoulder as a result!
If you need some help strategizing how to delegate and organize your schedule for a smooth transition for the school year, please reach out to me. Some moms have asked for a workshop focused on this idea, and I’m open to offering it!
Sending good vibes…